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Married life IS a bed of roses - be careful though - it comes with thorns too.
Scriptures are not read to simply go over the same old stories again and again and
again. We all know the characters, the plots, the outcomes, the highs and the
lows. Why bother reading the same story again and again and again ? Unless we
aim to learn from these scriptures, truly, why bother reading again and again
and again !
Various examples of married lives are highlighted in our scriptures. We have to
decide which one of those couples do we want to be. Great tales are made of
great people. Their lives are termed “extraordinary" by the way they dealt with
adversities in life. We all face adversities in life, each and every one of us.
How we deal with it sorts us out on a scale from ordinary to extraordinary.
Satyavan & Savitri, Atri & Ansuya,
Shiva and Shivaa are still honoured as
amazing role models of married couples because of the way they dealt with the
good and bad times that came in their lives. Emulate such wonderful couples by
absorbing the qualities they exhibit to make your own marriage extraordinary.
They dealt with situations we all face at one time or another. How would you
cope with life threatening illness, knowing that the life of your life partner
is in imminent danger ? How do you deal with sudden arrival of unexpected
guests ? How would you react to unplanned children ? When in-laws or parents
say something about our partner that may be hurtful, how should you deal with it
? What should you say or not say ? These are just some of the questions we can
get answered by looking at the lives of people highlighted in our scriptures.
Even in adversity, or rather especially in adversity, have faith that your life
partner is looking out for your good. Even when reason and logic fails, have
faith in your life partner to look out for you for life. If you have faith, you
will not falter. Love and faith are essential glue that will bind you for life.
Nala and Damayanti had their fair share of adversities, but their mutual faith
in the skill and ability of each other kept them steadfast against all odds.
Communication, accommodation and understanding are key to a good marriage. Here are a few golden rules -
* Never speak ill of your in-laws - it upsets the other person just as it would
upset you if your family was bad mouthed. Rukshmani never had a cross word with
Krushna because neither complained about each others in-laws. Even though her brother provoked
many mini crisis, the couple never let that come between them.
* Never spew bile just because someone else did it to you. If someone else has
vomited poison, adding to it won't clear anything up. If you vent your fury and
take out hurt going back to year dot, it will only foul the atmosphere and make
you both upset. Patience and silence are wonderful tools. Shiva often goes
into deep mediation rather than dwell on poison others spill at his feet.
* Respect each other. You both have skills in different areas of life. Appreciate that and work as a team.
Draupadi knew each of her husbands had a unique talent and nurtured it
accordingly.
* Saying "sorry" takes just a second but it will save you hours - if not days -
of hurt feelings. Be genuine though. Don't say sorry just for the sake of it.
Nothing ruins a great relationship like stubbornness. If only
Ahalya and
Gautama rishi had said sorry to each other ! It would have saved decades of
living side by side like stones.
* Don't take each other for granted. Though you are one, you are also
individuals. Respect that.
* Show respect to each other, especially in public. Seeing how you treat each
other will influence how others treat you and your partner.
* Never cut off the other partner in a conversation. Its rude, disrespectful
and causes hurt.
* Get to know each other. It's the sweetest thing about being a couple.
* Be open to ideas. You may not have tried something your partner says is good.
Trust his / her judgement and "give it a go". Having a
partner means you now have the benefit of
tapping into his / her lifetime of experiences. Have Trust.
Give it a go ! Be bold !
* Love, respect and understanding is more nourishing than food.
* Remember there is no "I" in a team. You are now a team of two. Become one.
Shiva Shivaa, Vashishtha Arundhati, Uttanpada Suruchi Suneeti, Styavan Savitiri,
Kardam Devhuti, Jamadagni Renuka, Rama Sita, Krushna Rukshmani,
Pandavas
Draupadi or any hundreds of other couples mentioned in the scriptures are great
examples for us to look at. Lives of these couple gives us an idea of how they
dealt with crisis that came up in their married lives. Looking at these, we can
decide what to do, not do or what to avoid in our own lives.
Your life's canvass is blank at present. Colour it with your own design and
colours. By all means, look to your ancestors and scriptures for inspiration,
but you have to make your own way in your own life. All I have given here are
examples. Make your life so great, it should be an example for others to
emulate in time to come. You have now started a new life, in a new house,
in a new country in a new relationship.
In good times, plan for the lean times. Enjoy the blessings of good times and
remember to make the most of it. Don't forget each others' needs even when
everything is rosy. Remember, roses have thorns too. Handle with
care to enjoy the sweet scent of married life.
For further information on some of the great people mentioned here, visit other pages on this site.
© Bhagwat [email protected]